When it comes to parenting, everyone seems to have advice to give out. Especially on how you should raise your kids. But not their’s so much… I want to pass on a nugget that has proven to be some of the best advice my wife, Tina, and I ever received.
Our kids were a little younger at the time, probably around 3, 5 and 7 years old. And like a lot of parents, we had at least one (all) of our kids who was pretty strong-willed. We were increasingly having to deal with actions and attitudes that required discipline, and some days it seemed like we were running our own little detention center.
Keep Sin An Issue Between God and Your Kids
Here’s where our friend and mentor Pastor Johnnie stepped in and dropped the bomb. He suggested to us that we work very hard to keep our children’s sin primarily an issue between them and God. That we should not take it so personally and build up wall after wall of hurts and shame between our children and us. An amazing passage from the life of Israel’s king David comes to mind here. After committing horrible offenses against a man and his wife he cries out to God:
“Against you, and you alone, have I sinned!” Psalm 51:4
Johnnie helped us see that when our kids were disobedient, “naughty” or downright defiant it was ultimately an issue of sin that would need to be dealt with between them and God. It was his forgiveness that they really needed. He recommended that we try to give both our kid’s rebellion and our own hurt feelings and disappointments to God. And help lead our children to talk to Him about whatever they did and ask for his forgiveness and help to be obedient…or nicer…or more respectful…
So what did that look and sound like in practice?
Well suppose our son, Little C, had lied to us about, oh, I don’t know… cutting his little sister’s hair one morning while we were sleeping. He repeatedly denied chopping a huge chunk of hair out of the back of her head when we asked him about it. He lied to us and we knew it. So did he. And so did Sissy once she looked in the mirror.
Trying to keep this new perspective, we said to him, “Hey son, your lying to us hurt our hearts a little. Mom and I feel bad when you don’t tell us the truth. And telling lies is a sin buddy. You need to go and have a talk with God and ask him to show you why you lied and ask him to forgive you. Would you do that?” “Uh huh…” He would nod and go off to his room for a little repentance time.
Later we would ask him if he prayed and asked God to forgive him. And he almost always had. “Did God forgive you son?” “Yes.” “And so do we. We love you pal! Now let’s go help Sissy sort out her new hairdo.”
By practicing this with our kids consistently as they grew up, we not only led them back to God on a regular basis, but it kept us from building a mountain of hurts between us and our kids. It is probably the best advice we ever got when it came to lovingly disciplining our kids. Sure, there were still consequences for their actions at times, but it kept our relationship in the right place and their relationship with God growing too.
So when your own kids hurt you, or others, the next best time to help them see their sin primarily as an issue between then and God, is now. I think over the long run, you’ll be glad you did.
Leave me your thoughts on where this could have made a big difference for you in your own family.
